Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
