i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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