I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
