I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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