Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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