I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
