I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I intend to get homeless drunk
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize