Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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