I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
