One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
