Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
