i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize