My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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