the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
