Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
