and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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