do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
