Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
