the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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