It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
