i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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