I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
