On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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