I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
