He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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