She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Randomize
