Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
the day after is always just damage control
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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