I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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