How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
