Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
