What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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