Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
