so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Randomize
