5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
