I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
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