Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
The air was thick with penises
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
