Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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