But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
