I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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