About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
