There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
