Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
