I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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