i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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