im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
