Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
