Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
