I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
