Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
