'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
