I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
