her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
