i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Randomize
