I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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