I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
