I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
