Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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