For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Randomize
