atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
