Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
