uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
