I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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