what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
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