Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
did i just pee glitter
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
