I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
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