Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I cut my penus on the lid.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
