drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
