I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
