I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Randomize
