I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
