Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
