He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
zippers are such a cool invention
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
