Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
May the power of my ass compel you!!
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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