So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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