Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
A+ Viking dick
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
