he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
