We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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